{"id":726936,"date":"2010-04-30T09:54:17","date_gmt":"2010-04-30T13:54:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/roissy.wordpress.com\/?p=5546"},"modified":"2010-04-30T09:54:17","modified_gmt":"2010-04-30T13:54:17","slug":"double-bagger","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mereja.com\/index\/726936","title":{"rendered":"Double Bagger"},"content":{"rendered":"

Zeets phoned in from the bowels of DC.<\/p>\n

“They passed this law that puts a five cent fee on each bag you use at a store. The city’s already made something like $150K off it.”<\/p>\n

“Leftie fascists.”<\/p>\n

“So I’m standing in line at Giant and don’t have a reusable bag with pictures of basil on it because I’m not a fag. The herb in front of me doesn’t have a reusable bag either. When the cashier asks if he needs a bag he hangs his head down in shame and sheepishly says yes. He couldn’t make eye contact with anyone.”<\/p>\n

“So this is the new SWPL status signal, the reusable bag?”<\/p>\n

“I hate them all. Anyhow, there’s a line of fifteen yuppies behind me. The cashier asks if I need a bag. With my head held high I proudly say ‘Yes, I want a bag. And double bag the milk.’”<\/p>\n

“I like the use of the word ‘want’ instead of ‘need’. Very sly.”<\/p>\n

“Thank you. I made sure to scan the line when I said it. I wanted those herbs to cower in fear.”<\/p>\n

“Did you grunt a little for emphasis?”<\/p>\n

“There was a genital display as well. When you walk down the streets here all the shamed-faced hipsters with plastic bags try to hide them in their coats or behind their backs so people don’t notice. This country needs a good, cleansing total war.”<\/p>\n

Filed under: Alpha<\/a>, The Big City Life<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Zeets phoned in from the bowels of DC. “They passed this law that puts a five cent fee on each bag you use at a store. The city’s already made something like $150K off it.” “Leftie fascists.” “So I’m standing in line at Giant and don’t have a reusable bag with pictures of basil on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4104,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4821],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-726936","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9NivD-336M","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.com\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/726936","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.com\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.com\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.com\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4104"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.com\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=726936"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.com\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/726936\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mereja.com\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=726936"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.com\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=726936"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mereja.com\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=726936"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}